Well, Christmas has past and we’re on our way into the New Year. Last week was the time of resolutions and high hopes, this week is the week all lofty ideals come crashing back to reality. At least, this has thus far been my experience.
I, along with many others, I’m sure, am trying to settle into my normal routine. I’m trying to get my sleep schedule back together after the holidays, and I thought it was going great until Monday night. I went to bed at a reasonable time, because I had to be up in the morning for work, but then my brain went, “Remember that book you read three years ago?” “Well, yes, sort of, but…” “You need to remember the title. Right now.” Thus, I lay awake, trying to recall the title and name of the author. But alas, my brain didn’t actually remember those things.
This led to a twenty minute googling session at like 11:45.
Once I had finally figured out the title and my brain could finally put that to rest, I headed back to bed for a restful sleep. Or so I thought.
Little did I know that my brain decided since I was obviously available for discussion at this time of night, I must want to rehash a bunch of stuff I’ve already made decisions about.
This lead to a 1 o’clock bout with Imposter Syndrome.
Whoop dee doo.
I finally realized that my worst existential crises happen post-midnight, so I figured I would try really hard to think about something else and deal with all of that in the morning. I did eventually fall asleep, putting an end to those late-night shenanigans.
However, this made me realize that sometimes the issue we identify in ourselves, the ones we think we’ve “cured”, often linger under the surface, waiting for the perfect 1am timeslot to pounce.
Working through issues like this isn’t a one-and-done scenario. It’s a continuous effort to keep yanking the weeds. And unless the dirt is cultivated and cared for, the weeds are going to come back. Before you know it, they are twice as tall as last time, and hard to pull out without falling over.
I feel like this is a metaphor I heard somewhere. There’s no way my brain came up with that. But I digress.
I think, for me, the steps I’m going to take to keep the imposter weeds from growing too big are baby steps. Methodical weeding of the heart garden, planting truth and keeping a careful eye on the weeds trying so hard to take root. Because truth – God’s word – is probably the only solution to weeds.
This is a little discouraging. It makes all the leaps and bounds seem useless, because we have to keep fighting for every step forward. But that means growth.
No one ever said growing was easy. No one ever said it didn’t hurt a little. Sometimes it requires some pruning and pain and support stakes. But all that helps it grow strong, so it can stand firm without those stakes.
Unless it’s grapes. Those need trellises forever.
